Gun Control Editing Log 

 

1. Principle: coh: Main claim and Opponents claim are not precise, or clear enough. Both claims must be evaluated and restated.
 

Error:  The error was that the teacher dictated rubric was not followed exactly, and introduction paragraph contained fallacies.

 

Original:  “ The number of children and teens killed by guns in 2007 would fill more than 122 public school classrooms of 25 student each. The number of preschoolers killed by firearms in 2007 surpassed the number of law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.”

 

Revision:  “ The number of children and teens killed by guns in 2007 would fill more than 122 public school classrooms of 25 student each.” Quotation was cut shorter in order to follow teacher dictated rubric.

 

2. Principle: Main claim and opponents claim do not coincide correctly.

 

Original: Opponents to the argument of stronger gun control claim that when trying to solve the serious problem of violence in America, anti gun groups continually focus on gun ownership and reiterate old arguments.

 

Revision: Although opponents to the argument of stronger gun control claim that guns are not as dangerous as society makes them seem

 

 

3. Principle: Too much factual evidence in the first paragraph. Extra data would go in the body of the paragraph.

 

Original: A recent study found that rural and urban children and teens are equally likely to die from firearms.

 

Revision: The elimination of factual evidence/statistics in the introduction paragraph.

 

Original: The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention act requires federally licensed fire arms dealers to conduct background checks on every sale, However, a loophole in the law allows private dealers to sell firearms without a license and avoid the required background check.

 

Revision: Another reason as to why guns are exactly as dangerous as they seem is because of the gun show loophole.

  

Ebonics Intro Paragraph Editing Log

 

1. Error: Unnecessary capital letter and filler before quote.

Revision: The implementation of Ebonics in the Oakland Board of Education has caused an extremely controversial debate and in response, a white teacher by the name of Sara Dalmas Jonesburg states, “Speaking Ebonics should not evoke shame or elicit correction; rather it should evoke pride in the speaker and admiration in the listener”(Jonesburg’s).

 

2. Error: Rhetor’s main claim contains grammatical errors 

Revision: in order to celebrate diversity in classrooms, we must learn to be respectful to different cultures and languages, because (Support 1) Ebonics is not slang, (Support 2) Ebonics would create a positive outlook of the language and help students master English-language skills and, (Support 3) Ebonics is an actual language because it is a mix of different dialects that came from slaves.

 

3. Error: Too much information given in the introduction paragraph.

Original: In order to celebrate diversity in classrooms, we must learn to be respectful to different cultures and languages, because (Support 1) according to Linguist John R. Rickford Ebonics is not slang, (Support 2) Ebonics would create a positive outlook of the language and the students to help them master English language skills, and (Support 3) Black English is an actual language because it is a mix of different dialects that came from slaves who spoke different languages but created Ebonics as a general method of communication, and through this invention American history itself has been influenced as well. 

Revision: Revision: in order to celebrate diversity in classrooms, we must learn to be respectful to different cultures and languages, because (Support 1) Ebonics is not slang, (Support 2) Ebonics would create a positive outlook of the language and help students master English-language skills and, (Support 3) Ebonics is an actual language because it is a mix of different dialects that came from slaves

 

Assignment #1 Editing Log

 

1. Principle: Needs to be consistent with effacing I.

 

Error:  The error was that the teacher dictated rubric was not followed exactly, and introduction paragraph contains I.

 

Original: After living with her for so long I have learned a lot about her.

 

Revision: After living with her for a whole year, there is a lot to be learned about her.

 

2. Principle: Failed to develop 3 attributes in detail.

 

Original: Saraphena is social, dependable, and has strong work ethic.

 

Revision: . Saraphena is a very social, dependable person with strong work ethic. She is social because she always goes to events with her friends. At her new school Cal Poly Pomona she joined the Filipino club on campus called Barkada. She also joined Theta Delta Beta, a cultural Fraternity’s Little Sis Program as well. Through these programs she has made amazing friends. Saraphena is dependable because when she is home she always makes sure yours truly has plenty of food and water. And, she always sneaks me my favorite guilty pleasure, cheddar cheese! Lastly, Saraphena has very strong work ethic. Even though she is at school all week doing tons of homework, when she comes home on the weekends she always does her homework before going out. Because, she knows that school is first and fun is second. 

 

Welcome to English 105 

 

1. Principle: Chosen symbol was not coherent with what was written.

 

Error: The error was that I thought I wanted to compare the class to sheet music, when I actually wanted to compare the class to mastering a musical piece. 

 

Original: The English 105 hybrid course can be compared to sheet music. 

 

Revision: The English 105 Hybrid course can be compared to mastering a musical piece. 

 

2. Principle: Missing necessary punctuation and a spelling error

 

Error: Failure to properly place commas to allow sentences to have a better flow, and a spelling error

 

Original: Requirements include students to meet online and in face-to-face meetings. By following the class motto, "The Best writing is re-writing" students learn to avoid patterned errors by attending teacher conferences, tutor appointments and keep editing logs to prevent repeated mistakes, which greatly improves their writing skills.

 

Revision: Requirements include students to meet online and in face-to-face meetings. By following the class motto, "The Best writing is re-writing," students learn to avoid patterned errors by attending teacher conferences, tutor appointments, and keeping editing logs to prevent repeated mistakes, which greatly improves their writing skills.